A la deriva
Please write comments on my essay here
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Hey Nicole,
In your first paragraph, Horacio should be capitalized. I think that instead of using "tuve" in the second line, you should use " teni(accent)a because it's a description. Instead of saying "cuando el estuve en un valle en el barco" you could say "cuando e(accent)l estaba en un valle..." "Estuve" is the yo form, so use estuvo instead. Actually, you should use estaba because I think it should be in the imperfect, not preterit. The preterit of "morir" is murio(accent). "Teme" should be tema. Basically, you should probably go through and look for silly mistakes like gender and tense agreement and preterit/imperfect.
Good Job
Hello Nicole,
-In the first paragraph, "morrier" should be "morrir".
-"oir" should have accent on the "i" --> "oír"
-"sentió" should be "sintió" or "sentía"
-in the second paragraph, "El teme" should be "El tema"
-"Todo el tiempo cuando tuve dolor y pensó sólo en la muerta estuve en vivo." This sentence is a bit awkward. might want to re-read it. Maybe you could change it to "Estaba viviendo todo el tiempo que tenía dolor"
-in the third paragraph, change "pude" to "pudieron"
-"Personas piensa" should be "personas pensaban (en)"
-I think un persona should be "una" instead.
But overall, good story.
Hey Nicole, I really enjoyed reading your essay, I could understand it very well. Here are some corrections for you:
1st paragraph:
-capitilize Horacio
- instead of "el hombre tuve", el hombre tuvo.
- morrier should be morir
- estuve should be estuvo
2nd paragraph:
- el teme should be el tema
- instead of "tema de el cuenta" it should be "tema del cuento"
- make sure you put this paragraph in the past tense and also just make sure the verbs are the right subject.
3rd paragraph:
- make apariencia plural
-"apariencias pude enganar mucho" should be "apariencias pueden enganar muchas"
- changed the spelling of vezes to veces
- remember, persona is feminine so una persona, las personas, and otras personas
-Kate Delle
Hey Nicole
-"horacio" needs to be capitalized.
-"el hombre tuve" should be "...tuvo" you might want to use "tenía" like Colleen said, but I don't see much wrong with "he got pains"
-"probar la" should be one word because direct object pronouns are attached to infinitives, so "probarla"
-"morrier" should be "morrir"
-"para ayuda" means "for help", it might be clearer to say "para encontrar ayuda", even though it is longer.
-"oir" should be "oír"
-I agree with what Colleen says about "estuve"; it should be "estaba" because it is a description of where he is.
-"estuve contento pensando" in the last sentence of the first paragraph -> I think you mean either "he was thinking happily" (estaba pensando/pensado <- I'm not sure which ^^ contentamente)
-"morió" is conjugated "murió"
-"El teme" should be "El tema"
-"esta mjor pero morir pronto", I think you mean "está mejor pero muere pronto".
-"Todo el tiempo cuando tuve", you should definitely use "tenía" here because it is a description that he has pain.
-"Pero, cuando piensa que esuve mjor": I think you mean "Pero, cuando pensaba (consistent tense, description that he was thinking) que estuvo mejor"
-"los aperiencia pude" should be "las apariencias pudieron"
-"el realidad" should be "la realidad", it's feminine
-"cuando" needs to be capitalized, it starts a sentence.
-"tipo de ropa a vezes otro personas formen" should be "...a veces otras personas forman (it's -ar)"
Over all, like Colleen said, just go back and look for silly typos.
Jason
hey nicole great essay!
one think I noticed in the first paragraph is when you said "En seguida el hombre tuve dolores en su pie y no podía mover" I think it should be moverlo because the man could move, but he did have a hard time moving his pie. Also at one point you used past tense with fue in one sentence and then in the next one you said continua and then after that you went back to past tense. Just be sure to keep in the same conjugated verb tense to eliminate confusion.
In the second paragraph the first sentence "El teme de el cuento es los aperiencias puede engañar." There were a couple agreements things, I think it could work if you just said "Una tema en el cuento es que los apariencias engañan" or something like that. There were also a couple typos here and there which other people already mentioned.
Otherwise it was well written. good job! - Lauren
Hey Nicole
>un hombre pisó un víbora--just a little gender issue..its should be una víbora
>El hombre no quería morrier- morrier should be morir
>El teme de el cuento es los aperiencias puede engañar--two things about this line..it should be "El tema" instead of el teme and los aperiencias "pueden" just to have a subject verb agreement
>Alve no pudo--should be alves no pudo with an accent on the o
Fantastic job and i really liked what you had to say
nicole!
good job. Morrier should be morir. El teme should be el tema. El hombre piensa que esta mjor .. do you mean mejor?
En vida los aperiencia pude engañar mucho .. it should be los aperiencias because it's los.
Also the author of the story should be capitalized as you forget to capitalize his first name!
good job!
Hola Nicole!
* "A la deriva"- capitalize title, and you could even put it in quotes.
* "En seguida el hombre tuve dolores"- I think you wanted to say el hombre tuvo dolores, because right now it says the man I had.
* "morrier"- morir?
* "Cuando el estuve en un valle" I think you meant to say cuando el estuvo.
* "el"- whenever you use the word el to mean he, you need an accent on the e.
* "El teme de el cuento"- El teme should be el tema, and de el cuento should be del cuento, you can combine the de and the el.
* "mjor"- mejor
* "Todo el tiempo cuando tuve dolor" Tuve should be tuvo again because you don't want to say I had.
* "esuve mjor"- should be estuvo mejor.
* " el realidad"- should be la realidad
* "muy diferente. cuando"- Capitalize cuando.
* "un persona"- should be una persona
* "otro personas"- personas is feminine and plural so otro shoudl agree- should be otras.
* "la persona que no son" la persona is singular so it should be la persona que no es.
Good Job!
Hi Nicole
I think everyone above covered everything. Nice job
Don't forget to fix mjor in two places
"En vida los aperiencia pude engañar mucho." I think your trying to say "In life, appearances can decieve you" In this case try "En vida, apariencias pueden engañarte"
Later-
Evan
